Mommy or Artist?

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.- Rajneesh

Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Who am is a question that seems to always be on my mind, I know who I once was but at this point in time I’m not sure.

All my life I have been the artist, the creative one, or the weird one,  while the latter wasn’t used often it was used on occasion.  In the last four years however I’ve added to new titles to that Wife and Mommy.

Since I got married 4 years ago, and had my first child 4 months later I have battled with my creative side, (along with a battle with depression, but that is a story for another post.).  How do create while I’m caring for children and taking care of a house? This question is what sparked me to create this blog, because everyday is a battle. Most days I want nothing more then to sit down and create something, like I’ve always done, but its not that easy anymore.

I spend the five years prior to my marriage and sequential mommyhood, creating when I wanted for how ever long I wanted. Sure I had non art classes and work, but for the most part  I was free to create when I wanted to.  It was amazing, if I wanted to paint a picture with oil paints I could without thinking about it, or if I wanted to sit down and sew a project start to finish I could, if I was working on a crocheting project I could just leave it on the couch and know it would be there the next time I was looking for it.  What I left a sharpie and an x-acto knife on my drafting table no problem.

Then in what seemed like the blink of an eye that all change. I got married to a great man, who happens to be a little bit of a neat freak, and very left-brain. He doesn’t always see the point in creating. I don’t fault him for that, without him my finances would be a mess, actually pretty much my whole live would be a mess.  I’m a very live in the moment do what I want person (yet another thing that makes being a stay at home mom a challenge. Another thing I will expand on in the future.) If  Husband wasn’t enough to challenge my creativity, adding a baby to the mix definitely was.

I remember thinking, I’ll still be able to create with a little baby. Boy was I wrong, the first 6 months were endless feedings and diaper changes. I spend most of them on the couch nursing a baby, or doing house work wearing a baby. My daughter was a high needs baby which pretty much means all my time was spend with holding her in one way or another. Then she reached the point where she would play contently on the floor, however then she would get into everything. So creating just didn’t happen.

Twenty-two month later my son joined the party, so once again I was back at the beginning of baby care, only this time I had a toddler in tow.

Needless to say for the past four years creating has been pretty much on the back burner. It’s been a challenge but my babies came first. Now with an almost four year old and and a 2 year old, I have more time to get back into creating, hopefully. But being a stay at home mom means I have to find the balance, I still need to care for the children and the house but I also need to find time to create. There has been a void in my life with out creating.

So join me on this journey, where art and motherhood collide

mommy
My attempt at cartooning myself

 

 

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