Up and Down

It’s that time again, yes that’s right Mental Health Monday.  This post was supposed to go up last week but since last we was a mess I’m posting it today.

As I have been completely open about, I battle depression, if I remember correctly dysthymia I’m pretty sure this is the diagnosis I was given.

  • Dysthymia . A low-grade, long-term depression that lasts for more than one year for children and adolescents and at least two years for adults. Dysthymia involves fewer symptoms than occur in a major depressive episode, but it is persistent and longstanding and often can be as disabling as major depression. Over the course of a lifetime, over 11% of teens (13-18) suffer from dysthymia, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. In modern diagnostic terminology, dysthymia together with chronic major depression (that is, a major depressive episode lasting two years or longer) are both included under the category of “persistent depressive disorder.”

Thank you webmd for this very nice definition.  The way my counselor explained it to me was that while the anti depressants do help, lower the symptoms, I will still end up having dips.  According to her as long as the dips aren’t to extreme it’s perfectly normal.

That being said some times it’s a real pain in the butt, nothing sucks more than when the depression sneaks back in.  It really is like a roller coaster, because there are continuous ups and down.  Of course the downs are no where near as steep as the used to be.  Now it tends to present itself as a lack of motivation,  I function just fine but I lack motivation.  Which means someday the finding the motivation to do house work is tough, or even to create.

While the downs are a real pain, they are 100 times better than they use to be.  The downs used to be accompanied by rage, anxiety, and extreme irritability.  So compared to that the lack of motivation it a walk in the park.  The ups and downs have been a part of my life for a long time, but it’s nice to not have them be so extremes.

My counselor, and my PA originally thought maybe it was Bi-polar disorder, but that has been ruled out.  I do cycle from depressed to Euphoric, but not to the extremes of bi-polar.  As far as any one can tell my mood tends to follow my menstrual cycle, which is why my OB/GYN also feels it is most like PMDD in addition to the depression.  Since I fall in the category of Persistent Depressive Disorder, its unlikely I will ever be anti-depressant free.

Sometimes the idea of being on medication for the foreseeable future, and maybe forever can be a lot to take in. If I suffered a physical aliment this would also be the case, So I try not to let it get me down.  Although it does mean there are a ton of things that need to be processed if Bald Man and I do decide to have more children.  Having more children isn’t something we are sure about so I’m not worrying about it right now.

Talking about my mental health and doing mental health Monday helps a ton. I know that life is always changing but I also know that it’s 10x easier to face when you face it head on.

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